I confess, someone gave me a copy of Halo over Christmas and now I'm hooked. For those that don't know, Halo is a video game that consists of running around a ring world shooting pretty much everything in sight. Yes, its one of those evil first-person shooter games that supposedly trains young kids to go out and shoot the teacher, their classmates and yes, pretty much everything in sight. And its not the only one I play, I'll list Unreal Tournament and Americas Army as additional exhibits in my confessional.

Ms. Gently finds it ironic that someone who goes to a half dozen anti-war marches in one year, gets very upset over the sight of dead bodies, and generally loathes violence can still stay up half the night shooting all and sundry on the computer. Well I could use that tried and tested explanation "Its just a game!" but there probably has to be something more to it than that. I think I know why I enjoy such games - I think its partly some innate hunter-gatherer gene kicking in (did you ever meet a cat that didn't like to chase small objects?) but mostly something I learned as a kid and at school.

No I didn't go to military school, and I wasn't found and raised by a platoon of Navy Seals. However I was raised in the seventies when every self respecting boy was given cap guns, holsters and was expected to play cowboys and indians, or soldiers at every available opportunity. I distinctly remember the onset of summer at school when the grass playing fields, previously off-limits during winter and spring, suddenly became huge stages for war game after war game played out over lunch time.

Such war games went like this:

At the start of lunch break gangs of boys (and yes it was all boys) would link arms and rove around in a long line chanting something that I still remember but can't really translate to text. As more boys joined the line got longer and longer and it would eventually break up and then sides were picked by two boys. I don't recall what rules were used to determine who picked sides but I do remember it was never me. After that there was a fleeing of teams to opposite ends of the playing field followed by a long game of cat-n-mouse chasing with hand raised, finger pointed and endless "bang-bang you're dead" stuff. Of course there was also endless "I got you first!", "No you didn't I got you first - you're dead" stuff that on occassion ended up with real fights. However for the most part the only damage done was scraped knees and grass stains on our britches. I don't recall that anyone ever really won these games, or that it made any difference. If nothing else it stopped us all sitting around burning bugs with magnifying glasses and running around trying to peek up girls skirts - not that anyone knew why we were supposed to do it. It was just one of those handed down traditions thats what little boys do at lunch time when the playing fields of war were off-limits.

I guess I'm supposed to know better and that I could make a conscious effort not to play such games on my computer. But, you know what? Its just a game. People have always played games of some sort or other, even animals play games. But one thing I've learned in life so far - there are people who know the difference between a game and reality, and there are people who don't. Its always the latter who tend to wreck havoc on the world, forgetting that in real life the losing side bears physical harm, and probably doesn't get up to play the next day, and will hold lasting grudges. For this reason I actually have a lot of problem with people who treat games as if they are real, and as if they really mattered, i.e. they begin to place a signifcant amount of their lifes meaning on the outcome of games. I mean, guys get depressed because you lost your job due to corportate fraud, because the is no free health care, because the government "misspent" your retirement funds, or your full-time employeer doesn't even pay you enough to buy food for you family. But riot on the streets because "your team" that doesn't give a rats-ass about you lost some game? Get real! Its just a game!

Yes, its okay for professional sports people to care if they are good at a game or not, or if their team wins or not. However when ordinary people think its okay to go out and trash their neighborhood just because some team of people (who probably never even lived in their neighborhood) lost, or won for that matter, well that's a problem. The problem is that such team games really have no meaning any more. The players often don't care one iota what the supporters do or how they behave, and the only people who really win when the win are corporations who run these sports teams as a profit center. Even the olympics, formerly a purely amateur event, has become an orgey of winner-takes-it-all mentality tainted by drug abuse and big corporate money.

Just where did the spirit of "its the participation that counts" in sports and games go to? Is the situation in modern sports just a reflection of reality gone bad; where every aspect of life must reflect the competition for dollars, bragging rights and the perpetual chase for position of top-dog?

So, I'll keep my games essentially meaningless, harmless and above all fun to participate in. The day I start taking them seriously I'll know its time to unplug and go cold turkey on the computer games...